Colchester Arts Centre reopens with show-stopping display

For, it was also the long-awaited beard shaving of the bewhiskered Arts Centre director Anthony Roberts who, in a bid to raise money for the venue, had vowed to go unshaven and recite a poem every single day the venue remained closed since last March’s lockdown.

Having mistakenly assumed it would be closed for a matter of weeks, Mr Roberts suspected his beard would grow only as long as, say, Ricky Tomlinson’s, or – at a stretch – Clint Eastwood’s in The Good the Bad and the Ugly.

Mr Roberts also imagined he would need to reach for only a selection of poems to broadcast on the Colchester Arts Centre YouTube channel and Facebook page.

But as the months went on and the Arts Centre remained shut, the poetry list and donations went up and up – and Mr Roberts’ beard grew and grew.

A vow to go unshaven every day the Arts Centre was closed saw Anthony Roberts' beard grow to eight inches in length

The Arts Centre director initially went through what he calls the “Uncle Albert” stage – when his beard made him look like the Only Fools and Horses Character – but his beard soon morphed into one you’d sooner associate with Gandalf, or Professor Dumbledore.

He simply did not know what he was getting himself into – but the donations coming in to the Arts Centre were something of a remedy for the discomforting itchiness caused by Mr Roberts’ furry facial companion.

And, at long last, the day came – not only for the grand reopening of Colchester Arts Centre, but also for the much-anticipated beard-shaving.

There was far more to the afternoon than this, however.

Read more:

• Colchester Arts Centre ready to welcome back visitors

• Anthony Roberts: 'How should we spend today? Let’s do nothing'

• Arts Centre director turned Gandalf lookalike won't shave until venue reopens

Pianist and composer Nigel Hildreth MBE was the first to take to the stage, as he played the piano for the scores of people gradually filing into the venue.

The visitors in attendance were then treated to an inaugural flushing of the new toilets, performed by Crunchy Frog Comedy; Anthony Roberts then stepped in as the “Master of the Rolls” with, quite literally, a roll of toilet paper for the new lavatorial facilities.

Poet, comedian, and musician John Hegley then delivered his own, delightfully quirky variation on Tinie Tempah’s Pass Out, as he warmed the crowd in preparation for the climax of the afternoon – billed The Grand Beard Removal.

Comedian John Hegley's performance was a highlight of the afternoon

At last, the moment then came as Anthony Roberts entered the stage with all the pomp and circumstance befitting a man who had raised nearly £2000 for the Arts Centre by going unshaven and reciting poems each and every day for a year and a half.

Mr Roberts then performed his 522nd and final poem, entitled St Mary at the Walls, by Martin Newell, before being confined to the barber’s chair to bid goodbye to a beard that had grown over eight inches long.

No1 Church Street supplied a barber to do the honours, and the beard that had been grown for some 522 days was shorn off in a matter of seconds.

The day was a resounding success for the Colchester Arts Centre, and the guests who joined in its grand opening left Church Street in the late afternoon with their fill of beer, cake, comedy, and delightful civic absurdity.